I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
