Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
