you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
