the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
