When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
