I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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