I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
