My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
