Sry I called you an 8
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
