I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
