I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
