you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
