just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your cock deserves a montage
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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