Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
