Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
