If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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