I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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