pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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