Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
