The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
