hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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