you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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