More tranny stories later!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
