ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
