I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
too bad you live with your parents still
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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