Can i not drive my cunt home
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Randomize
