I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
