i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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