i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
