Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
