how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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