He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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