I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
