you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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