Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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