my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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