I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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