Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
