I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
