You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
