i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
