You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
