i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
