Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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