Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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