His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
