something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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