I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
