Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Your dad touched me again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
