i jhust puked up my retainher.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
