I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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