just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
