somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
