You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
