I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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